EPISODE 3: “Hankyung’s Story – Brighter World”

PART 1

He was driving his way around Seoul in the middle of the night. He doesn’t have any particular destination, just driving around the city to think and to forget. It’s been tiring for him. He wanted to go back to China, craving for his family, but he’s just too scared to ride another plane.

                For weeks now, the members didn’t know what he’s been feeling. All the while they just thought that he’s changed. But he’s been feeling uneasy everytime he hears the sound of an airplane. He’s been trying to conquer it for weeks by going to the airport, but he’s too far from being well. He’s still far away but he’ll immediately back out whenever a plane takes off.

                His phone rang it was Heechul. “Yes?” he said using the Bluetooth headset.

                Heechul cursed. “Where are you? It’s late…no, it’s already early in the morning yet you’re not home.” Heechul almost exploded his eardrums by shouting but his sorrow was undeniable.

                “Yah…did you drink again?”

                “You know that I don’t get drunk. Go home fast.”

                He sighed. “I get it. I’ll hang up now.”

                He turned his car to the street on his left. It’s really late just as what Heechul said, but still he doesn’t want to sleep. He’s always having nightmares; most of them do.

                He sighed again. “What…”

                He slowed the car seeing a woman lying on the road. He looked around to see if there was anyone outside but saw no one.

                He went out. “Miss…?”

                He touched the woman’s shoulder to see if she has any consciousness. She only managed to groan. She was like a sleeping angel in the middle of the road, how can a woman this beautiful walk outside in the middle of the night?

                Slowly, she opened her eyes. “Where am I?” She sat and placed a hand on her head. “Ah…”

                “Are you okay? Do you need help?” He spoke fluently. “Why are you sleeping in the middle of the road?”

                She doesn’t smell drunk, doesn’t even look like she had drugs or anything of some sort.

                “I think I’m okay,” she stumbled her way to sit. She looked at him but didn’t meet his eyes. “By the way, have you seen my staff? Ouch.”

                She held her head again. He supported her by holding her shoulders. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

                “I think,” she closed her eyes shut. “I should go home, if you mind getting my staff for me.”

                He looked around and saw what she’s talking about. About a few yards away, there’s her staff. He took it and gave it to her.

                “By anyway, are you…”

                “Yes, unfortunately…” she tried to stand up, still a little wobbly and gave out a smile. “Would you mind helping me up for a while? I don’t know where I am.”

                “Ah, yes.”

                He looked at her admiring her beautiful face. Simple unlike those he’s already seen. Even without any make-up, her face is already admirable. Though she doesn’t have that skin as white as ivory, quite a little tan; her skin is still glowing. Her lips are as red as cherries.

                “Is it okay for you to point the way to a telephone booth?” she said with a soft voice.

                “I can take you home if you want to. I have my car over there.” He pointed then realized his mistake. “Sorry about that.”

                “It’s okay,” she smiled. “But I don’t think I would like that. Because you know, I don’t really trust strangers. Please don’t be offended by that.”

                He scratched his head. “Of course, but I insist. That is if you will trust me. It’s quite dangerous to go alone.”

                She seems to think about what he said. “Can I trust you? What’s your name?”

                “Hangeng,” he said.

                She chuckled. “Are you kidding? Is that the closest name that comes to your mind? What’s your name?”

                She really thought he was lying. He smiled to himself. “But it’s my name.”

                “Then I might as well not go with you. Are you a kidnapper?”

                “If I am, why would I wake you up? Don’t worry; I’m not a bad person.” He held out his hand to her. “Please trust me. I will take you home.”

                “I am (Insert your name here). I will take a risk here, so please take care of me…” she smiled. “Hangeng~ssi.”

~♥~

She was dropped home by a stranger named Hangeng. That thought made her smile. It’s the first time she’s ever trusted a stranger, she doesn’t even know if it was his real name.

                She only knows one Hangeng, and he’s a celebrity. He does sound a lot like him, but still how would she know if it’s real?

                “You’re home at last. I’ve been waiting for you all night.”

                It was her younger brother. He’s already in his twenties.

                “I’m sorry,” she looked on her right where the voice was coming from. “I fainted earlier and woke up in the middle of the road. Yesterday was really tiring, ohhh.” She groaned and patted her shoulders. “That’s because a young man didn’t fetch me earlier.”

                Though she can’t see it, she knows that her brother must be flustered. She can’t blame him; now that he’s older, he must be dating someone.

                “I tried to call you but your phone was off,” he helped her to the sofa. “By the way, noona, who’s that guy?”

                He was talking about the man who dropped her home. “He said he was Hangeng.”

                “And you believed him? What if he’s a rapist?”

                “You’re the one to blame if he is.” She smiled.

                “Sorry…” he hugged her. “But you shouldn’t have trusted him.”

                She rubbed his head hard. “Then fetch me. Don’t just go dating around.”

                “Stop, it hurts.”He chuckled. “You’re just jealous.”

                “Yeah right…” she laughed. “Let’s just go to sleep, you should have slept already. Don’t you have classes tomorrow?”

                “No, it’s weekend remember? Tomorrow is omma’s death anniversary. How could you forget that?”

                She stopped. How could she? “Of course not…” she lied. “I’m just kidding.”

                “Liar,” he pinched her nose. “Go get some rest noona, we’ll go there early.”

                Her brother is close to her, they were more like friends than siblings. Even if their ages are far from each other, they still bond together. He was more of an older brother to her than just a younger one, maybe because he felt responsible of her because of her incapability and that made her really thankful to have someone like him.

                She’s living with him and a father who never goes home. They’re living a bounty life, they get what they need but not all that they want.

                Her father, since their mother died, supports for their living as his children but has never done his role to them as their dad. She understands him though. It must be a burden to him, having them as his children…having her. She couldn’t even think of him raising two children alone when one of them is blind. Her inability makes her feel like a baggage to those around her that’s why it’s okay for her to be regretted this way even if it hurts. But at least, she still wants to see him…eight years…

                He kissed her forehead (he was taller than her) and opened her room’s door. “I will take care of the food to bring noona. Just go to sleep, you’re working yourself out.”

~♥~

She started to gather her things when her phone rang. She’s sure that it was someone she doesn’t know because she’s assigning a tone for every caller that is on her phone memory. She reached for it.

                “Hello?”

                “Hi,” she heard the familiar voice said. “How are you?”

                An automatic smile wiped upon her face. It was the man who helped her last night. Though it felt real, she still doesn’t want to believe that it was Hangeng or Hankyung because that will be close to impossible.

                “How did you know my number?”

                He laughed. “I have my ways…sorry for looking at your phone.”

                “You’re really something aren’t you?” she laughed as well. “Are you not busy? Why did you call?”

                “Noona, let’s go. The taxi is waiting for us.”

                 “Hangeng~ssi…I’m sorry but I need to go. I’ll just call you later.”

                She walked to the door and called for her brother. They just got home from the graveyard but now, they were already leaving for the hospital. She’s going to have a check-up for her eyes.

                “I’m nervous.” She said to her brother.

                He placed one hand on her shoulder and led her inside the taxi. “Don’t be, I will be there.”

                She smiled at him. “Thank you,” she held tight on his hand. “If I will be able to see again, you will be the first person that I would like to see. Do we look alike?”

                “Just see for yourself, you will be able to see soon noona.”

                She nodded. Now, she has three persons to trust. Her brother, her bestfriend and the stranger. Even if she doesn’t know that man yet, she would like to trust him. That's because she knows inside that he’s a good person.

~♥~

“Noona, wait for me here for a while. I will just go to the restroom,” her brother said hurriedly before leaving.

                She can’t take the smile away from her face. She doesn’t care anymore even if she looks like a fool grinning there. Her doctor said that it will be possible, though it will take a big sum of money and a donor, and she’s happy because of that. Finally, after so many years of waiting to see she can finally have it.

                “Isn’t that Super Junior?” she heard a woman beside her.

                She heard someone screamed. “It’s Super Junior!”

                “Don’t touch them, don’t take pictures. Our oppas must be very tired!” one warned to the other.

                She was pushed by someone and fell to the ground.

                “I’m sorry!”

                The quiet environment of the hospital turned chaotic as the people around continue to gather. But still, nobody helped her up. “Ouch.”

                “(Name)~ssi!”

                Someone held her hand and pulled her. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

                She dusted her pants. “Is it you again? Thank you.”

                “Why are you alone?”

                She heard the whispers around her. And a few footsteps coming her way. “Hyung, are you okay?”

                He spoke. “Did you see who pushed her?” His voice was calm as if he was talking to scared children.

                The people around quieted down. “It’s me oppa, I’m sorry.” A female’s voice sounded.

                “Please say sorry to her,” he said calmly as if afraid to raise his voice to the frightened woman. “You should have helped her. What if she’s been stepped on?”

                “It’s okay, really. Please don’t apologize; maybe I was standing in the middle of the way.”

                Somebody gave her the staff she left on the floor. “Hyung, do you know her?”

                “Noona!”

                She looked past her right where her brother’s voice came from. He heard his footsteps as he ran closer to where she was standing. “Excuse me, excuse me.”

                His brother’s hand reached her arm. “What happened? You have a bruise.” He said referring to a small spot on her hand. “Hyung~nim thank you for helping my sister.”

                “Hankyung,” another man’s voice echoed. “What’s happening here?”

                She was confused. “Why are there so many people?” she whispered to her brother.

                “It’s Super Junior noona. They helped you.” He whispered as well.

                So it was true?! That man wasn’t lying when he said that he was Hangeng last night. She was embarrassed remembering how she called him a liar and a kidnapper. She bit her lower lip thinking on how she could apologize to him. Her heart started to beat fast just by thinking, she felt a wild rush of heat crept on her cheeks.

                Hangeng explained what happened to the man which she later knew as their manager.

                He held her arm. “You can go with us; we can drop you off to your house.”

                Her brother seemed even more excited than her. He nudged her.

                “Ah, thank you but we might disturb your schedule.”

                She heard Kibum spoke in his low voice. “Don’t worry; we’re just going home so it’s okay.”

                “It will be better if you go with us,” Ryeowook said. “Sometimes photographers take pictures. At least if you’re with all of us, there will be no issues and we can simply say that you’re a friend.”

                In the end, they rode the same car.

                “I’m sorry…last night for calling you—”

                “It’s okay,” she heard him say. “Now that you know who I am…can we be friends?”

                She smiled even if she doesn’t know if he sees it. “Yes.”

                He shook her hand. But as he did, not only did her hand felt the impact. Her heart shook as well. And she felt good about it. 

~♥~

A/N: Sorry if this hasn’t been good enough…>.< Please tell me your feelings about the first part. All comments will be accepted! Thank you!

A Girl's Diary

PART 4

My days…it passed by so quickly. How can I miss the days?  I wonder if he knows it…

                Today, maybe…maybe it will be the last…I can feel it. It would have been yesterday, or the other day. But I can certainly feel my heart going faint by the second. My days have extended already, two days? Three? I don’t know anymore. Looking at him, I feel regretful. Heechul oppa…my husband…even if it’s just a make wedding, looks really tired. His eyes even if he hides it through thick make-up saying that he just came from work; I can see that they are puffy.

                Another day spent together at the sea. We’ve found a special place. But now, I’m just too tired to stand. For a week, he always carries me on his back just to be able to get here.

                “Wangja~nim,” I whispered, finding it hard to speak. “Aren’t you tired yet?”

                “My goddess is just too light, I can’t even feel your weight. Don’t worry about me.” An obvious fact, I lost so much weight.

                He prepared a chair for us right in front of the sea. Everytime we go here, it’s always like this. The warm feeling envelopes me again.

                He held my hand. “We’ll see the sunset again.” He said happily but I know that his smile is fake, because his eyes are glittering. That he’s just trying to hide his worries.

                I leaned a head upon his shoulder. He touched my hair. “Your hair is still long, it feels good to touch.” He nuzzled my hair. “Smells like flowers, too.”

                “That’s because I don’t want to take chemotherapy. It only hurts me.” A whisper again. I’m too tired to speak, even too tired to breath. “Oppa…I’ll just meet you there okay?” I said pointing to the skies.

                “Yah…stop saying those things.” He looked at me. “Are you sleepy? Your eyes are low.”

                “Yes…but I’ll wait for the sun to set.” I leaned closer to him, putting my lips closer to his ear. “Oppa…I think I’m done.”

                He was holding back his tears, I can see it. “(name)~yah…”

                “When I die…I will be with you always. I will sing with you…I will laugh with you…I will…” I closed my eyes…so this is the feeling of dying…it’s…overwhelming that I want to give in.

                “(name)~yah!” he shook me.

                “Don’t do that, it makes me dizzy…” I said weakly. “Oppa, will you stay happy?”

                He hid his trembling lips with his hand. “Stop saying that…”

                “I’m just asking you,” I smiled. “Promise me that you’ll stay happy forever.”

                “I can’t do that.”

                “I bet you won’t…ahh…the sky is just so clear.” I closed my eyes again, but the process let my tears fall. I sobbed. “I hate it, this feeling…”

                “Don’t leave me yet.” He’s also sobbing. Hugging me tight he said. “We still haven’t seen the movie you want to watch. And you promised to sing for me once more…”

                I can really feel my pulse dropping but I started to sing the last part of ‘Coagulation’. “Eoddeoke…dashin neolbolsu eopseumyeon nan eoddeoke…naeil achim nado moreuge jeonhwagie…” I sighed…tears still falling and I can also hear him cry. “Soni daheumyeon geu…geureom…yeon naneun eo…ddeoke…”

~♥~

She stopped singing that moment, just as the sun reached down. Making my tears fall…I continued her song. My heart screamed with pain as I drown with tears.

                “Useumyeo neoege joeun moseup namgigo sipeo neoreul bwatjiman…” my voice trembled so hard I held her closer. “Gyeolgugen heulleo naeryeotji…”

                I shouted. I shouted until I have no more strength. I shouted as if my whole world crashed i front of me. Hoping that if I shouted too loud, maybe she will wake up and sing once more.“(name)~yah…come back…saranghae…” As if my words will make her come back.

                I carried her but I know we won’t be able to reach in time. My knees trembled as I kneeled to the ground. Holding her in my arms, I called her sister. “Noona…she’s gone…”

~♥~

I met a man who showed me how to enjoy life…trust the people around me and laugh my heart out. Why have I met him just now? Why now when I have a little time left to spend with him? Everytime I think about it, my heart hurts more. I wish to live longer. Laugh with this man longer. I wish to hold his hand longer. But why is life cruel to me?

                Heechul oppa taught me how to be happy in spite of being hurt. He thought me to accept whatever life will bring to me. I wish that I have met him earlier in my life. He always tells me to cry my heart out, say what I really feel inside. Though it hurts, I want to do just as he says. I trusted him with my heart and I believe that it was worth it.

                Heechul oppa…I wish that in my next life, I will meet you again. I want to see you earlier, spend my days happily with you. I wish that in my next life, I won’t have this sickness so that we will be together longer. I don’t want to hurt you and leave you like this. All I want is to see you happy.

                Heechul oppa, don’t cry okay? Because if you cry, I will hurt more. Please smile and tease others just the way you do everyday. Please continue to sing for everyone, for your beloved E.L.F.s and Petals. You will always be in my heart (though it is broken).

                I don’t know how long I will stay in this world. How short it may be. I want to cherish all my days with this man. Someone who hurts me but still can make me the happiest woman.

                He always believed that he can do nothing but hurt the people around him, but he showed me that he is the kindest man that ever lived in this world. He believes that he can only destroy the lives of others and live as if he is the only one alive but he made my entire life. I believed that he wasn’t that selfish.

                In this life, I can say that in a short while, I have spent my days well. Since the day I met him, my world turned upside-down. And before I realize what was happening, it was already too deep. I was attached more than I had wanted to be.

               I am thankful…but a little bit sad. Because once in my life, there was someone who showed me that life is beautiful. Someone who made me feel that even through the hardships that I had met, I am still a lucky person.

                “She wrote that a few days before…”

                He looked outside the window after reading her wife’s diary. Everything they’ve done, it was there. But he must be strong. He will not cry. But why do the tears keep forming?

                “I hate these tears…” he sighed before smiling at her wife’s sister. “Noona…she’s happy right? Then I’ll be happy, too.”

~♥~

It was his turn to answer the MC’s question. He doesn’t know if he can say it out. He was so afraid of what others might think about him when he shows his weaker side to them. But thinking of her; her smile, her voice that echoes in his mind, he becomes strong.

 “I can say that in the past six months, I have changed a lot.” He started, trying to stop the overwhelming feeling he’s experiencing.

                Meeting a woman who finally managed to calm his soul, and losing her like the speed of light, it hurts just by thinking about it…silence followed his first words.

                “I have a confession to say,” his eyes started to fill up with the unshed tears.

                His other members started to calm him that moment, knowing what will happen that instant. The crowd as well as the MCs of the show made a fuss. It would irritate him if he wasn’t feeling the same way as he did that moment.

                “What is it?” one said.

                Hankyung placed a hand on his shoulder. The others also felt his sorrow the moment he opened his mouth to say it out.

                “There was a special person who changed my entire life. I’m really thankful to her, but I have never said it to her. Honestly,” he paused, still holding back his tears… “I really miss her. (name)~yah…why did you leave too early? Didn’t you know…how oppa is hurt? *sobs*”

                Sungmin handed him a tissue. “Hyungie is talking about our,” he stopped. Blinking to hold his own tears. “Friend and doctor. She helped us in many ways, but now she’s gone to heaven. (name)~ssi, we’re going to miss you.”

                That exact moment, the people around him started to shed tears as well. “Our (name), had a cancer and refused to tell us earlier. When we discovered it, it was too late. We don’t have enough time to spend with her.” He wiped his tears. “She said that we shall not cry, but how can’t a hurt person stop his tears? That’s why I told her to show her feelings and never hold them back too much.”

                There was a moment of silence inside a studio while each of them shed their tears, remembering this woman who made their life more meaningful.

                “During that time, I asked her to marry me…” his tears wouldn’t stop flowing. “She refused, telling me to find someone else. I thought she doesn’t love me, I treated her so bad. When I realized my mistake, she was already too weak. I was there when she said goodbye. (name)~yah…saranghaeyo…cheongmal saranghae. Oppa has forced you too much. Mianhaeyo…I miss you.”

                There was no more need for words. It was enough for everyone to understand how he felt and how this person had made him complete. He thought at that moment that tears felt good. Being as cold as he was, he never realized this. But now, everything has completely changed.

~♥~

“There was a woman I knew. I love her too much. Maybe my love wasn’t enough a reason for her to stay. I understand that, not all sickness can be cured by such love. But I was cured by her…”

                It became a part of their new song. He was proud of himself, and thankful to her.

                “Everything is back to normal now.” Leeteuk said while they were sitting on the floor after practicing.

                “No, were far more better than normal.” Shindong said.

                He smiled leaning his head on the window beside him. There were fans outside waving at him, he waved back at them. How he wish (name) was there too. But she wasn’t a fan afterall. She was different. She would rather spend her day looking at patients and listening to the radio.

                “Aigoo, our hyungie is being emotional again.” Eunhyuk said catching his attention.

                He threw him a towel. “Yah, don’t you talk to me like that. I’m just thinking about my wife.”

                The members gathered around him. There were smiles on each person’s face, showing how much happy they have been in the past few months.

                Kibum spoke, “Don’t worry hyung, someday all of us will meet each other again and be together forever.”

                He gave a playful punch at Kibum. “I don’t need you there. I only need one person.”

                They all laughed. Everything was never the way it was before. Each of them has become a brand new person. Especially him, maybe this is what love can do.

                (Name)~yah, maybe we’ll meet each other someday. But for now, I’ll just do my best to become a person right for you. When we meet again, I will not make you cry anymore. I will just show you my love.

 

Kim HeeChul

A Girl's Diary

PART 3

It was too fast, what happened to him? Has he really gone crazy this time?

                Those things clouded up my mind as I look at the man who keeps bugging me. He sends me home after his radio show, goes to the hospital at the morning to follow me around. He keeps on making me laugh. Tries too hard to get close to me. He’s annoyingly cute to turn down, just like his adorable cat.

We’ve been close; he even made me call him oppa. We even went to the amusement park one time and almost got discovered by an E.L.F. good thing we escaped successfully. I already experienced riding on his car to go to the beach. We always eat together, watch movies together. Spending time with him makes me happy and my heart giddy inside. He always tries to let my feelings out. Making me shout when I’m happy, making me cry when I’m tired.

                He was extremely in a good mood in the past few weeks, especially because Leeteuk got home after one month. He was not the person I expected him to be. I thought he would be someone rude, someone critical, but he ended up to be such a kind person.

                Tonight was one of those times. He went to my house, he insisted it, and we ate dinner together.

                “So, where is Joo Min now?” he took a spoonful of rice into his mouth.

                We were talking about each other, just like the way we used to do in the past weeks we’ve been together.

“I heard he’s planning on going back to Korea.” It was true. He called me again, saying his plans of going home for a while because of work. It was funny because my heart didn’t ache anymore when I talked to him. “I talked to him, he’ll be back soon.”

                He looked at me, “If he’s back, are you going to abandon me?”

                “What are you saying? You’re not my son oppa.” I joked to him.

                He reached for my hand and seriously said. “(name)~ssi, that man is your first love right? What am I then?”

                “Oppa is weird. What are you talking about?” , I have already said it to him a million times.

                He sighed. “Let’s get married before he even comes back.”

                I was shocked by what he said. “Are you…joking? Oppa, stop joking with such serious matters. Marriage is talked about by lovers.”

                “Do I look like I’m joking?” he said. “I know you wouldn’t believe me.”

                I thought he was really not serious, that was until he took out a ring. My heart started to ache. “Oppa…stop it.”

                “(name)~ssi, I’m not playing with you. I am serious. I may not be as perfect as the one you love, but I’ll try my best. I will wait till you love me.”

                I grasped my chest, my heart won’t stop aching. This is not it. “No…not me. Oppa…” I closed my eyes. “You can’t love a person like me.”

                “Why not? I’ve already fallen in love with you. If I’m not expressing it well I’m sorry. I haven’t done this to anyone.”

                I stood up. “Oppa, I’m not the one. Mianhaeyo…I, I am not capable of loving anyone but myself. That’s why I’d rather choose to love someone who doesn’t love me back.”      

                “I was like that, until I met you…”

                “But meeting you never changed the way I am. I’m sorry…” I bowed at him. “Please leave, oppa. I’m not feeling well.”

                He stood up. “If I leave, I will never be the same. Are you sure about this?”

                His eyes were like fire that burns me even if I don’t see it. But the ache in my heart is much more stronger making me want to push him more. I know that I will regret it, but it will be better if I did this.

                I nodded, still bowed and not looking at him.

                “If I leave now, I won’t be nice to you anymore. I will ruin you. I can make you suffer.”

                “Just go.”

                “If I leave now, I won’t be myself again. I will be worse, I will-- ”

                “Stop! Just…leave…”     

                And he did, banging the door behind him. The moment he left, I let the tears fall. I sat on the floor and reached for my phone. “Unni…help me…it’s coming…”

                My heart hurts again. Maybe this time,it will be the end of me.

~♥~

Unni was my personal doctor. She treats me everytime I’m sick, everytime my cancer will show. This time, it was her husband who checked up on me. He said that unni can’t handle it, the pain can endanger their yet unborn child.

                “Oppa, will I really die this time?”

                Many times, I had been given a few weeks to live, but here I am continuing to be my stubborn self. I refused to be treated like a sick person. Making others hate me, despise me. Though we had many misunderstandings, unni’s husband tries to get close to me but I push him away.

                “Don’t say that.”

                Though he says it, I know that there is something wrong. “Oppa, I know what I feel. I’m also a doctor.” I sighed. “These past few months, I have been feeling it again. I hurt more, I even coughed blood once. I’m feeling really weak.”

                I closed my eyes again and leaned onto the pillow.

                He held my hand. “You know, you are a miracle. How many times have we thought you will die? You’re a fighter right? Don’t give up.”

                I thought of Heechul oppa. He made me happy; I thought I will be better. But I was weaker and weaker as the days flow by. I’m starting to lose hope.

                “Oppa, did you know? I fell in love again.” I sniffed trying to shake my feelings. “It was crazy. It was different than what I felt with Joo Min oppa. But, why do I have to be sick? Everytime I’m with him, I felt better. I felt like I’m always on the edge. But at the same time, I was afraid that I would suddenly collapse in front of him.”

                He pressed on my hand, “Why don’t you use him as your inspiration in living? Fight for him.”

                I laughed. “No, if I fight, I will suffer more. If I suffer more, I will only hurt him more. I don’t want him to see me like this.” I opened my eyes again and looked at him. “Oppa, tell me…how long will I live? A few months? Weeks? Days?...Tell me.”

                He hesitated. “Three to four…” he stopped, his tears fell. “(name)~yah…it’s just weeks. Fight for us. Don’t leave us yet; think about your unni and nephew. Live for them.”

                “I will not oppa,” I smiled at him. “Unni and nephew…they will live for you just as you will live for them. I am not the life of anyone, I live for myself.”

~♥~

“Sungmin~ssi,” I was not surprised to see him back in the hospital a few weeks after he was discharged.

                “Hello,” he smiled.

                I just finished checking up on the other members for their monthly physical examination. There were only two left, Sungmin and Heechul.

                “Please sit down.”

                I checked his previous injuries and as well as his current health.

                “(name)~ssi…I heard about what happened yesterday.” He said. “Why did you turn hyung down? I thought you said you like him, too?”

                It was to him that I first confirmed my feelings. Being a trust worthy person that he is, I let him know my feelings for Heechul believing that he will not tell it to him.

                “I have my own reasons.” I smiled at him before moving my stethoscope to his back. “I trust that you did not tell it to him…”

                He kept silent for awhile. I was scared of what he will say. He has his own way of reading me. I was afraid that he will know my secrets.

                “If that so…” he looked at me and smiled. “Then, I advise you take care of yourself. Hyung looks scary. He had his tantrums again.”

                “Oh…”

                Sungmin hugged me. “(name)~ssi is trying to be tough. Didn’t hyung taught you to give in sometimes? I understand…that you have secrets to keep. But hurting yourself won’t be able to help.”

                “So I see.”

                We looked to the door, Heechul was there. His eyes in fire, just like a bull ready to charge. But just as fast, it disappeared and became as cold as ice.

                Sungmin let go of me, “You should take care of your self. I’ll go now.” He patted my head.

                Silence filled the room as we stood staring at each other. It felt like seconds had turned into hours. It’s like a slow motion movie in black and white. My heart started to thump so hard I was afraid that I might fall right that moment.

                “Are we just going to stand? You know I’m a busy person. I don’t have time to linger.”

                He walks towards me, his steps echoing as he stood in front of me. “Do I need to take off my clothes?” He leaned closer.

                I made a step backwards, aware of his very close presence, “N-no…there’s no need to do that. You may take a seat here.” I pointed at the chair that Sungmin vacated.

                I started the check-up as soon as he sat. Placing my stethoscope on his chest, I was amazed on how he managed to keep his heartbeat calm. How can this person do that when I’m suffering like this? Maybe he was lying all along, telling me that he loves me. That thought hurt me more. Am I the only one loving all this time? Is last night a lie?

                “I thought of changing doctors this morning.” He suddenly said making me startled for a while. “But thinking about how you may react touched my curiosity. I thought it will be fun but it was boring all along.”

               He stood up and faced me. To my disbelief, he grabbed me and suddenly he stole a kiss. It was deep and provoking, placing me in a state of shock. He held my face with his lovely hands. His warmth making me dizzy. But when I was ready to give in, he stopped.

                “You didn’t even know how to kiss.” He wiped his lips.

                I was hurt. This person, he really wants to destroy me. He really did change, it’s what I have done. Making the monster out of him, creating a ghost of my own.

                Someone knocked and entered the door just as he was heading for it. “(name)~ssi. I’m back.”

                It was Joo Min oppa.

~♥~

“Why don’t you tell him how you feel? You’re just making things complicated, (name)~ssi. And you’re hurting yourself and him as well.”

                Joo Min oppa stayed with me, took care of me after I quitted my job two days ago. It’s been five days, leaving me with merely three weeks of life. He witnessed how Heechul tried to make me suffer. I’ve already confessed everything to him, my feelings, what happened…he knows it all; he’s my bestfriend. Through the days, our friendship grew stronger.

                I was sitting on the swing that night, he was pushing me. Though I am the hospital, I wasn’t there to be a doctor but to be a patient. My body is growing weaker every single day that I spend.

                “Joo Min oppa knows that I can’t do that…” I said in a low voice. “I can’t bring him any more pain than what I had given him. Making him angry at me is much easier.”

                “And you’re hurting yourself in the process.” He continued to push me. “But, don’t you want to spend your days with him? Wouldn’t you be happy?”

                “I want to…but I’d rather not…if I leave, he will just be sad.”

                Looking at the mirror everyday, even I pitied myself. I look terrible and weak. I feel useless being tired easy. I can’t function on my own. Imagining these things…letting Heechul oppa see these…it hurts me too.

                I coughed feeling the cold breeze. “Oppa…let’s get in. It’s getting colder here.”

                He helped me even if I can do it on my own. That’s how people around me pity me everyday of my spare life. We went inside the hospital, Joo Min oppa still walking by my side.

                “(name)…(name)~ssi?”

                It was a voice I would not want to hear. As I turn around, the person who called me dropped the bag he was carrying and gasped. It was Heechul.

~♥~

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he stood behind me.

                I was not looking at him, keeping my eyes on the window beside my bed. Looking at Heechul~oppa…it makes me regret being alive and regretted to be myself. Everytime I see him look at me with pity in his eyes, I feel like I’m a useless creature. My tears kept falling like the endless rain after the summer. Why did Joo Min oppa left? What should I do?

                “Why?!” he shouted grabbing me. “You…you lied to me. Do you know how much I hurt? I hurt everytime I do bad things to you, everytime I try to forget you…do you know how much pain I have…when you…”

                He stopped, finally seeing the tears I was having through the dark light in the room. He held me close to his heart making me listen to his heartbeat. I envy him. Having such a healthy heart…when I am here, dying because of heart cancer.

                “What if noona didn’t tell me?” he said referring to my sister, “What could I have done to you? I almost killed you, tormented you…you selfish brat.”

                I held onto his back as if it was the only way to save my life. “Oppa…I am dying…I can’t fight anymore. If I told you…will you count my days with me? Will you promise me that you will not be sad?”

                “Babo…” he rubbed my head. “If I leave you, will you not be sad? (name)~ssi, let me spend my days with you…”

                “I hate it when I see you in pain. Spending my days with you will only make you sad.”

                “But I am sadder when I’m not with you…” he held my face and wiped my tears. “Let’s get married. I will take care of you. I will make you happy. Just let me be with you.”

                Marrying, I never imagined myself doing such a thing. I’ve always believed that in this world, I don’t deserve to be happy. A curse is given upon me through this sickness, but Heechul oppa, he’s really stubborn.

                We were married, inside the hospital. The swing at the garden that night served as our only witness. A silly thing indeed, but why does my tears fall? The smile on his face brightened the night. He kissed me and held my hand, turning the cold night warmer.

                “Starting tonight, you are my wife.” He declared. “Don’t tell me any lies again, do you understand?”

                I nodded. Surrendering my life to this man. No matter how foolish the idea might be, I decided to spend my days with this man. And maybe, I can find happiness and contentment in the days left for me.

A Girl's Diary

PART 2

I almost threw up the milk I was drinking on my monitor as I read the article for the first time. Could it be…?

                “You are…Heebum?” I said to the cat that is looking at me innocently while lying on my bed. “How famous are you to even have an article? Why haven’t you told me that you’re a celebrity’s pet?”

                He meowed again as if he really understands me. How can this pretty little cat become a celebrity’s pet without me knowing it? Specially when he’s owned by someone as famous as Super Junior.

                I carried him. “Hee~ssi…ah…Heebum~ssi…or Heebumie…do you want me to take you home today? But I still need to know where they are living, okay?”

                I was happy that he can go back to his home. But even just for a day, I felt quite sad being left alone again in my home. I was used to live on my own, trusting only myself and no other people than my own sister. But Heebum changed that entirely.

                “Honestly? I want you to stay with me more…” I hugged him. “I will miss you terribly.”

                The phone beside my computer rang when I placed Heebum back to my bed. I reached for it and regretted the act when the voice of a man echoed in my ear.

                “(Insert name here)~ssi?”

                It was Joo Min, the man I was supposed to meet yesterday.

              “O—oh Joo Min oppa,” I was startled for a while and didn’t know what to say. “Why—why did you call so suddenly? I thought you were already in the States?”

                His voice filled my mind making my heart ache. “Yes, but I was worried about you. Why didn’t you come yesterday? I was waiting for you.”

                “Aaahhh…I was,” I don’t know what to say. My hands are trembling and tears are starting to flow again. But I still don’t have the courage to tell him my feelings. “I woke up late…I haven’t heard my alarm.”

                “You still haven’t changed. You should work out on your time, you’re a doctor now remember?” he said. “By the way, I need to go now. I am going to have a meeting. I just called to know if you are okay.”

                “Ah…I understand…take care oppa.”

                “Okay, take care, too.”

                I placed the phone back to its cradle before clutching my aching heart. “Why do you have to call…?” I let my tears fall for a while, wishing to stop the aching pain in my heart.

~♥~

“I can eat on my own,” Eunhyuk stubbornly shook off the hand of his nurse.

                They’ve witnessed the change in him. Heechul was the first one to notice it.

                Eunhyuk after the accident slowly got moody than he was before. It was because of his injured leg causing him to worry about his ability to dance in the future.

                “Yah, don’t be too rude.” Yesung said. He was still sitting on a wheelchair with his neck braised.

                The nurse went out without saying any words. Heechul looked at Yesung.

                “Why are you even here? Aren’t you supposed to be in the other room?”

                “I got bored,” he said. “And hyung, we’re only seeing each other during times like this. The four of us can’t go out of the hospital yet.”

                He said referring to Eunhyuk, Shindong, Sungmin and himself. Shindong was lucky enough because his wife was always by his side while the other three were all by themselves being taken care by nurses and doctors.

                “You go play by yourselves.” He stood up. “I will go out for a while.”

                He needs air. Being inside the room makes him dizzy. The other members are making another fuss over the dramatic change in Eunhyuk’s attitude. He can’t let himself be too involved. He has a problem of his own, thinking about Heebum.

                He walked to the lobby missing the sight of the beautiful woman that passed his way. She was carrying a pet bag.

                “Good morning,” she said to a nurse that walked by.

                Just then he heard a familiar cry of a cat, it was Heebum’s cry. When he turned around, he caught a glimpse of the cat. He would not be wrong! It was his Heebum inside that pet bag.

                “Hee—Heebumie! Yah! Miss!”, he ran like a madman.

                When he reached the door, it was the same time that the woman entered a taxi, but still he didn’t lose hope and followed.

                “Hyung~nim!” he almost shouted at the phone when their manager answered it. “I just saw Heebum! Please come out fast and get the car!”

                He tried to memorize the car’s plate. He wouldn’t let that woman take his cat away!

~♥~

“Oh, Heebumie…why are you so agitated? I can’t let you out just wait for a while okay?” I said to the cat.

                After we left the hospital, he’s been really agitated. Trying to claw his way out of the bag where I placed him.

                “Ajusshi, are we there yet?” I asked the driver.

                “We’re near. A few minutes more.”

                Since the traffic was not heavy, our travel was faster than I thought it would be. I was excited being in a celebrities’ apartment building. I’m still an ordinary person; it’s just that I’m too busy with work that I don’t get to watch television.

                “We’re here, miss.”

                I paid the fare and went out of the car. “Wahhh…”

                The building was so high. The rent there must be really expensive. Just by looking at it from a little farther I was mesmerized. It was really an awesome sight. The apartment building where I’m living was not this glamorous.

                “Heebumie must be really rich, eh? You’re a lucky cat. I’m definitely going to miss you.”

                I walked to the building noticing the number of people sitting on the sidewalks and holding banners that read ‘Super Junior’. They really have many supporters. They must be waiting for them.

                I lifted the bag where the cat is placed. “I will just leave you to the guards okay? You’re building looks exclusive for the owners.” I opened the bag and placed the letter I prepared. “Take care of yourself you understand?”

                Just then a man shouted at me. “Yah! You over there!”

                When I turned around I found myself being kidnapped. I was forced to enter a van in a speed of light. I thought I was in a drama.

                “Get in, faster. Don’t just stand there, do you want to die?” a man pushed me to enter the car.

                “What is this?!” before I can even complain, the door was already shut.

                The bag in my hand was snatched immediately. “Heebumie!! Are you okay? Appa has got you.”

                It was Super Junior’s Kim Heechul beside me. He opened the bag and took Heebum in his arms. He was treating the little cat like a baby.

                “Aigoo, do you know how worried appa has been? Oh,” he lifted Heebum’s leg. “What happened to you? My Heebum must be hurt.”

                He looked at me with accusing eyes; I thought I was going to die. It was not just because he stares at me with piercing eyes. But he just looked terribly handsome up close. I held my breath wishing the moment to stop for a while.

                “Did you do this?” he said.

                “A-ah, no! Why would I do such thing?” I defended.

                He placed Heebum down. “You, why did you kidnap my Heebum? Do you think that if you take him you will have money? You’re right! Why did you do this? Even hurting my poor Heebumie! You’re such an evil person. Hyung, let’s get this woman to the police.”

                “What?! You must be mistaken!” I didn’t know what to do that moment. Is he really going to take me to jail? What a weird person.

                “Yah, Heechul~ah, stop overreacting. Let the woman explain.” The driver of the van said. He was their manager.

                He looked at me again. “What if she lies?”

                “Ha! Why do I need to take your cat? You don’t even thank me? I was bringing your cat back! If I didn’t know that you are his owner, I might as well keep him.” I placed my hand on my head. “Aigoo, you’re giving me a headache.”

                He was really a weird man. Jumping into silly conclusions.

                “Are you sure? If you’re lying, haish chincha.” He bit his lower lip. “Then how did you get Heebumie?”

                I explained what happened in full detail including the bruises that I got because of what happened. He seems to understand it.

                “Oh, so that’s why you’re wearing that silly thing on you head?” he said talking about the shawl I wore to hide my wound. “Can I look? Ah, no, I changed my mind, it might look gross. Do you want to go to the hospital?”

                I sat back properly, “No need. I’m a doctor. I can cure myself.”

                “So then, we can just take you to where you are going.”

                “Aren’t you even going to thank me?” he glared at me. “Okay, fine. You’re welcome.” He’s really a tough man.

~♥~

I managed to go back to work a few days later. I was sipping my milk that night and listening to the radio inside my office; Heechul’s voice filled the room. He was crying just as he did for the past few days, he’s still calling out for their leader before ending the program. I turned off the radio. There were still lots of things left to be done on my table.

                “Ah, you’re different when I saw you last time.” I whispered before taking the patient’s list on my table. I have been assigned to their members after a fellow doctor went on a vacation. I don’t know if I was lucky or not being assigned to these people.

                After finishing checking the patients’ information that has been assigned to me, I turned off my lamp and stood up to get my own medicine from a cabinet and drunk all of it. It suffocates me everytime, but as a doctor I need to set an example to my patients, I grabbed my chest and breathed heavily. I sighed when the overwhelming feeling ended. It’s already past eleven when I turned to look on the clock. I don’t realize the time when I am working.

The hallways were silent. “Omo!” I almost jumped when I saw a man lying on the ground trying to get up. “Are you okay? Let me help you.” I grabbed the man’s arm but he shook me off.

                “I can help myself!” it turned out to be Eunhyuk.

                “Eunhyuk~ssi, what are you doing here?” Once again, I tried to grab his arm.

                “Stop it!” he shouted at me. “Why are you treating me like this? I have my own feet. My useless feet.” His tears showed itself. He surrendered at me letting me help him.

                I took a wheelchair and helped him sit on it. Eunhyuk’s legs were weak; being trapped under the weight of a metal, his lower body can’t be moved. “Eunhyuk~ssi…trust me, okay? I will help you walk again, you understand?”

                “When will that happen? When will I be able to walk again?”

                “I…I don’t know yet. But I will help you, I promise.”

                “Eunhyuk~ah,” a voice called.

                When I looked around I held my breath again, my heart started to get agitated again, just as the way I felt the first time I met him. It was Heechul again.

                He walked near and talked to Eunhyuk. I didn’t realize that I was still kneeling on the ground. I can’t even hear their voices. “Huh?”, I said when Heechul faced me.

                “I said let’s take him back to his room.”

                I stood up, “Ah, okay.”

                This weird man, he tickles my heart. How is it even possible? All I know is that…it feels good…

~♥~

“Why do you have to be around whenever I visit my members?” he snarled at me. Arms crossed as he sat on the couch.

                This time, it was Sungmin who is soon to be discharged. “Why are you always like that? You have a bad mood everytime. Do I annoy you that much?” I checked Sungmin injuries. “You’re in a very good shape; you can go home maybe tomorrow or the next day if you want to.”

                “Thank you (name)~ssi,” Sungmin smiled at me.

                “Of course not!” he suddenly shouted.

                “What?” I looked at him. This man is…I don’t have to say it. It’s too obvious. Telling Sungmin my last reminders, I left the room immediately and went back to my office.

~♥~

“Could it be…” Sungmin started. “That Heechul hyungie likes our doctor? It’s obvious.”

                He knows that he blushed that exact moment and wanted to kick Sungmin for getting him. “Yah, shut up.”

                He just laughed, “Oh, but (name)~ssi is really beautiful. And she’s kind too. Can I tell her that I like her then? That is if hyung doesn’t like her.”

                “Okay, go tell her you like her then.”

                Sungmin stood up and went for the door.

“Where are you going?” he asked him.

                “Me?” his eyes turned evil. “Oh, I’m going to (name)~ssi’s office and tell her that I like her.”

                “You!” grabbed him. “You’re teasing me. Okay! Okay! I do think so…”

                He sat back and sighed. Maybe he’s really fallen for that beauty. “Maybe I like her.”

                “I think she likes you too.”

                He looked at Sungmin who munched the apple he gave him. “You think so?”

                “She’s always talking and asking about you, saying that you’re such a weird person. She asks me if I can stand you. But she’s always glowing everytime she says your name.”

                Why not? Why doesn’t he try to make a move? Anyway, as he knows, she’s not dating anyone. She’s living alone; she said it when they first met. It will not harm him when he tries.